Wednesday, 6 May 2009

rehab! rehab! rehab!

I will post photographs from the Girls Aloud concert at the 02 arena. I was physically sick at that show for two reasons; one, the arena was so steep it wasn't just I who had a panic attack, grown men afraid of heights could not go into the stadium due to the way the place was built... the people infront of you had their heads aligned with your foot (thats how steep it was I swear!). It looked as if you were about to topple out your seat, bouncing over the people infront of you until you hit the main arena floor in a bloody mess. Secondly, I couldn't drink any alcohol as it was just my sister and I with the twins so obviously, their first trip in London and on the underground tube filled me with anxiety... I knew I needed my witts about me and to hold onto them at all times. I was frightened they would fall on the tracks/get stollen/etc. etc. Ok, ok, they are seven. Anyway, I couldn't drink so I was plagued by headaches, violent puking and shaking that looked like I had parkinsons at best. Sad, but true. My twins referred to me having a "bad head day" god they are more switched on than i give them credit for. However, Turns out they were amazingly good. We stayed in a hotel by the 02 arena in north Greenwich and they were brilliant. They didnt cry once, misbehave, moan when the queue for food reached over an hour and a half, paddy, fight.... they just were so chilled. When I was taken to London at 7 I was scared to death; I needed to be carried down the esculators on the underground as they freaked me out so much, I was paranoid the whole time I was going to get stolen and sold to some fagen-esque gang.... I was so proud of the girls. They loved it and they loved the Florence Nightingale Museum they insisted on going to and of course... HAMLEYS TOY SHOP! they both had money allocated to them and they spent it wisely on presents for themselves.

I am taking them to the park tomorrow afterschool to ride their bycicles as my sister is in hospital and she gets out that afternoon. They live opposite the park, about 5 seconds from it but my sister will be too ill to take them so I am going to. I want to spend some time with them. I spent a few hours with them yesterday and loved it, can't believe how much they change when I don't even see them for a few days!!! I want to spend as much time with them as possible because
DRUM ROLL PLEASE............

i would never have the money to do this in my life!
its been allocated to me because well, ive become such a danger to myself i will be dead in a few years if i dont, probably!! i am so happy to be given this chance. i was supposed to go in on the 12th but my drugs worker rang up and said I DIDN'T NEED TO GO IN, that my drinking wasn't THAT BAD! so they cancelled it. but my psychiatrist got in touch and convinced them that it was a life-or-death situation and they managed to find me a bed for the 19th of MAY!

i nearly cried when i heard. i very nearly did but as you will know by reading this blog, i don't cry EVER, not even by myself.

my psychiatrist said it would be good respite for me to not drink for two weeks. I explained i wanted to quit drink FOR GOOD but he thinks my liver just needs a 2 week break. i would like to think I could show him otherwise but like he says, my liver needs this break or ill be dead before I know it! my mum said to me "so you are never going to drink again?" as if she didn't believe me. i don't know if i believe myself but its my intention. however, its just getting away from that crutch of drinking all day to deal with my problems. getting away from the fact a summers day isn't complete without an ice cold beer because hello- IT IS! thats what im trying to drum into my skull.


Fishwhiskers said...

Hey Naomi, good for you to get the rehab place. Be strong, it's not easy, but worth it. I'll write to you, if you like receiving mail from a boring old 50 year old haha.

K x

kelly Al-Saleh said...

I want to cry for you. I know how frustrating it is to have other people decide the urgency of your case. Like I said, I had to go through the suicide attempt to get some form of therapy. What if I had been successful. A lot of people who manage to commit suicide don't expect it to work, they're crying... no screaming for help.

The alcohol is more damaging than the b. Are you in rehab for both?
My drinking has gone up mainly when I'm not tooting and on my subs script. It's as though I want to feel different. Feeling 'normal' spooks me. Also I think I feel uncomfortable in my own skin. Do you know what I mean? I get the feeling you would.

I would love to be in touch. Any support. I am an addict yes, but I'm no user where people are concerned. In fact one of my friends said 'the problem with you Kelly is that you're too nice'.

I've been 'let down' by other addicts before but I think I had this naive notion (and still do I suppose) that we're all in this together. We can relate a lot of experiences that others (outside) can't and often don't want to.
I suppose I expected some sort of

Anyway, rest assured you can trust me, I do everything unconditionally. I live in East London so yes I am UK based. My email is kellyalsaleh at (obviously use the at symbol). You can email the address there if you find you can only use snail mail.

Phew, lots to say but gotta work. Only other thing wanted to mention was sewing and dressmaking. I'm totally rubbish at it but love it all the same and wish I could learn. I've got a sewing machine but something is wrong with the lower bobbin (under the needle bit). There's a fab website for patterns called the Vintage Pattern Lending Library
They've got gorgeous patterns from eras; 1840 through 1950. They're copies of the originals. I think you'll love it. I ordered a few and although they're US-based, they were very reliable and fast.

Have you considered a career in fashion/costuming? I know you were going back to college/Uni but didn't know what course. Best to try and do something that you love. That way there will come a point were you won't let anything take it away from you - not even b or booze.

I wish you the best best best of luck and well done. Big gigantic hug.

take care
xx Kelly

Michelle said...

Quitting drugs is hard, but you can do whatever you want. I know that sounds gay, but it's true. I'll write ya in rehab if ya want, although I'm way over here in the USA. :)

Good luck.

kelly Al-Saleh said...

ooohhh! More clothesmaking/pattern links for you to check out (hope haven't got it all wrong and boring you)...
Only accept American currency/American accounts.
Very Victorian. I love the bodices, basques and corsets. That could be adapted to modern clothing a la Vivienne Westwood. The jackets are rather fetching too. Don't have to look like an extra from a Bronte film, I like the idea of taking details from these patterns and applying to modern clothes.
UK-based vintage pattern shop
Go in via right hand side pattern picture. Not well designed site.

Any chance we can see some of your creations? You said you made something the other week but it was too small. Would still be nice if you posted a photo of it and anything else.

x Kelly

Sarcastic Bastard said...

I am SO HAPPY for you! I think it's great that you want to go to rehab and help yourself. Very mature that.

I understand what you say about cold beers and the summer. Most of my life revolves around drinking currently. It's hard for me to imagine watching a football game in the fall without a beer, but I know I need to change the way I think.

You are loved, Naomi. Please keep us all posted as much as you are able. I will keep a good thought for you.

Love, SB.

Dad and Mom said...

Glad to hear about the re-hab. Work it and work it again. Life is worth more than drugs and alcohol.

Your nieces are counting on you.

Gledwood said...

My only advice is give it your all because I went years ago and didn't do that and look at me now!!
Do you know what the detox involves? Is it methadone, subutex, DFs or something else?

Gledwood said...

so what's happened? you been yet??

all the best if you're there and get to see this ...

I'm considering coming off and LEAVING THE COUNTRY!!

I hate Britain...

I.:.S.:. said...

"Bad head day"

Absolutely classic. Yeah, the kids are switched on, and will inherit the kingdom of God...

Good luck with the rehab... Funny thing, last time I checked in the Amy Winehouse song had just come out and I laughed listening to it on the way.... And did a runner the next day...

In the end, to really really quit, a radical displacement is the answer, I think... Immigration... One-way ticket into the unknown...

Live lucky