Thursday, 25 March 2010

online at last

Yesterday, Virgin finally came and installed my trio package of Broadband, Landline Phone & TV. I don't know what I am more happy about; being online 24/7, having a home phone instead of having to rely on a mobile all the time or having more than 4 channels to watch all the time (those of you in the UK will know, channel 5 can be a very iffy one to get, so you usually end up with just 4 as opposed to the standard 5). I purchased this laptop a few weeks back and was unable to access the internet anywhere (people have got savvy; they no longer leave their networks unsecured. I was going to leave mine so, but thought to hell with it, nobody did that for moi!). I am right now watching Current Tv watching the most undesirable places to live in the United Kingdom.
My stomach is very much better. What a relief that was. Using has been up and down; it tends to go up when I have willing veins to use. Now, the two I could use easily for a week or so have collapsed and the past 8 hits I have tried to get, I have missed straight away. I have been IV using on an everyday basis since I was 17 24/7 and I started having problems within about 5 months of having started. Veins don't like being constantly prodded and poked and stuffed full of heroin and crack cocaine. I am so odd to look at; I have no visable veins. Not even a tinge of blue on a surface. Look at old pictures of me playing the saxophone etc. and you can see veins bulging out of my hands or pictures on the beach, they are in abudance on my feet. Not any more. Its as if when I even think of injecting drugs, let alone getting a needle in my hand, what existing veins I have left dive under the surface as far as possible away from me and my little friend. I have tried using longer needles, to get deeper veins, but this resulted in me hitting arteries and my god. That is the closest I will ever come to feeling what it is like to be in an electric chair- I hope. Its horrible. Shock runs through ever inch of your body, down every limb, radiating back and forth, back and forthe. Evil, Evil. So I am wasting money. And most importantly, since its a snowball (heroin and crack cocaine in a syringe) you don't feel when you are missing (not injecting into a vein- leaking into the tissue surrounding) as cocaine numbs the flesh. So you happily push the liquid in you and don't realise until after you pull it out and you haven't got the rush that you missed the entire thing. It sucks I tell you. I wouldn't mind spending my money on drugs, but when its a waste- boy that sucks. I would go in my groin again but I have 4 friends with 4 legs each after having amputations. I was going in my groin for a few months and the pain was bad, very bad. Luckily, I diverted to subutex and got off for a while, giving a while for a few veins to recover.

Anyway, the net. Hopefully, I will write a bit more frequently. I am trying to make a better layout for here. If anybody can help, I am happy to pay etc. etc. Let me know. I want a friendlier reading format. Hope everyone is well, anyway.

Friday, 12 March 2010

stomach ulcers

I got really ill Sunday night. Monday, I could barely move. It was awful. I had something I hadn't had in years; a period! I have not had a period for years due to my heroin abuse (it tends to stop things like that in their tracks). I thought at first I felt rough due to that, but even though I didn't know what a period pain felt like since I had last had my proper one age 13, I knew that it shouldn't be hurting your chest under your breastbone and hurting your back. I couldn't move, I spent about £200 on heroin and injected it haphazardly in my veins (I couldn't even sit up to get one I was that in pain). Got to the hospital, its stomach ulcers. Ouch. I feel like shit. I didn't drink for 4 days but I',m back on it right now. I don't care. I don't care an iota. On a plus, I am getting broadband internet, cable and a landline on 24th March. That means I will never have to leave my house! EVER.