Yesterday, Virgin finally came and installed my trio package of Broadband, Landline Phone & TV. I don't know what I am more happy about; being online 24/7, having a home phone instead of having to rely on a mobile all the time or having more than 4 channels to watch all the time (those of you in the UK will know, channel 5 can be a very iffy one to get, so you usually end up with just 4 as opposed to the standard 5). I purchased this laptop a few weeks back and was unable to access the internet anywhere (people have got savvy; they no longer leave their networks unsecured. I was going to leave mine so, but thought to hell with it, nobody did that for moi!). I am right now watching Current Tv watching the most undesirable places to live in the United Kingdom.
My stomach is very much better. What a relief that was. Using has been up and down; it tends to go up when I have willing veins to use. Now, the two I could use easily for a week or so have collapsed and the past 8 hits I have tried to get, I have missed straight away. I have been IV using on an everyday basis since I was 17 24/7 and I started having problems within about 5 months of having started. Veins don't like being constantly prodded and poked and stuffed full of heroin and crack cocaine. I am so odd to look at; I have no visable veins. Not even a tinge of blue on a surface. Look at old pictures of me playing the saxophone etc. and you can see veins bulging out of my hands or pictures on the beach, they are in abudance on my feet. Not any more. Its as if when I even think of injecting drugs, let alone getting a needle in my hand, what existing veins I have left dive under the surface as far as possible away from me and my little friend. I have tried using longer needles, to get deeper veins, but this resulted in me hitting arteries and my god. That is the closest I will ever come to feeling what it is like to be in an electric chair- I hope. Its horrible. Shock runs through ever inch of your body, down every limb, radiating back and forth, back and forthe. Evil, Evil. So I am wasting money. And most importantly, since its a snowball (heroin and crack cocaine in a syringe) you don't feel when you are missing (not injecting into a vein- leaking into the tissue surrounding) as cocaine numbs the flesh. So you happily push the liquid in you and don't realise until after you pull it out and you haven't got the rush that you missed the entire thing. It sucks I tell you. I wouldn't mind spending my money on drugs, but when its a waste- boy that sucks. I would go in my groin again but I have 4 friends with 4 legs each after having amputations. I was going in my groin for a few months and the pain was bad, very bad. Luckily, I diverted to subutex and got off for a while, giving a while for a few veins to recover.
Anyway, the net. Hopefully, I will write a bit more frequently. I am trying to make a better layout for here. If anybody can help, I am happy to pay etc. etc. Let me know. I want a friendlier reading format. Hope everyone is well, anyway.
Thursday, 25 March 2010
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4 comments:
Glad that you are alive and well, Naomi. I am going through my own personal hell at the moment...but I relate to what you say, I used to shoot myself. From what I hear regular coke is more friendly to be shot than crack because of the texture, crack has bicarb in it and all and doesn't dissolve the same way...but you probably know this. I guess you do as you do because powder is not commonly sole in ten pound hits....I knew people some years ago who would but it's uncommon, not many people even do half grams so.........oh well. I get a bit frustrated as I wrote in one of my posts - there are people who assume that crack is actual freebased cocaine when it isn't, if anything it tends to be even more bashed.....It just angers me at times because the less money you have the more you get ripped and end up paying.....like a weighed 3 and half grams is £150, but a fifty pound deal is not always weighed if it is decentish stuff....it is often more like just over two thirds of a gram or just under three quarters, where the more money you have the better deal you get...same with smack or anything, the poorer end up paying more for the stuff......Was I happier in myself I'd be able to slow down a bit, but right now I am hurting and while the drugs don't solve the problem they are the only thing I seem to have at the moment to stop me from totally despairing....although of course a lot of my problems are related to excessive drug use and addiction, vicious circle as you probably understand too well.
I used to like to speedball myself on the odd occasion - I can't deny it is a great high - but I have small veins not suitable for shooting and when you think of contaminents in the gear etc and all.....I just decided it's not worth it. I have friends who shoot who will try to encourage me and I just say I don't want needles, got sick of them long ago....I did have a few accidents from shooting that were not pleasant, had a few abcesses. When it becomes a struggle to find a vein anymore....as for the smack, have you ever thought about snorting it? Some people say it does not work, but it did always work for me......
Glad that you are online and look forward to reading more of your posts.......Chin up, I am on your side....We should get through this if we maintain our will to live, and I still have that. Let me know if you ever need anyone to talk to...
Hey babe,
a junkie from new zealand here.
gonna be reading your blog from now on.
Stay safe., dont shoot crack too please :P it causes intense abcesses
excuse the spelling whiskey and clonazepam
This is something I found out only too late really.... but if you want a snowball, it actually works better if you get the pipe ready (and it has to be your pipe ~ no-one impatiently waiting to use it after you)... have the hit and then immediately the heroin's in, do your pipe. This gives exactly the same effect as a snowball, only difference being the rush is a bit more drawn out, cause the coke's coming second. Especially considering how poor crack is these days, it's seriously worth trying.
One big reason we have trouble with our veins is because we're banging up heroin base with all that citric/vitamin C... people who live in Sydney and other places with a supply of good China/Thai white (whatever you want to call it, I mean heroin hydrochloride that you don't even need to cook, you just stir it in in cold water) say their veins last many times longer. This annoys me to think about, because I'd never in a million years choose brown if I had access to decent white heroin, know what I mean?
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