I was going to write a continuation on Thursday, after I got home from the hospital, filling in all the gaps of what's been happening etc. but things took an unexpected turn and well, I have only just now had the time to sit down and write.....
On Thursday, I happily went to the hospital by myself for my scan. It was the first time I had been alone, but I was feeling positive so didn't mind. The previous weeks scan had shown him to be 3lbs 11oz which was fine but the sonographer pointed out my amniotic fluid was just above normal at 10.1 and anything deemed to be in this catagory is 10-25. She warned me just incase there was a further reduction. My sister had this issue when she was pregnant with her twins, and they had to be delivered 6 weeks premature. The maternity unit was so grossly understaffed you could tell everyone working there was seriously under pressure. It took me 2 hours to get into my appointment, and I saw a lady waiting 5 hours for hers. Naturally, I didn't mind waiting, but I can see why the others who had screaming kids hanging round their legs did. And I felt sorry for this young couple who had obviously arrived for their first scan, and he (in his soldiers uniform) had to leave as they were running so late, and return to base. Every time I have gone in for a scan, my baby has been so awkard. He never wants to be seen properly and Thursday was no different. As I was such a late booker, I had to have all the abnormality scans etc. which have been made pretty tricky by his position in the womb. The specialist consultant had seen me some weeks prior, and concluded from the ultrasound & 4D scan there were no abnormalities to face, brain, heart, limbs which put me at ease. He couldn't get a clear view of the eyes, so this is why I had to return on the Thursday. But my baby has different plans, and the consultant said he had his limbs infront of his face. When he switched it to 4D, clear as anything I saw these two little feet obstructing the facial area. Last scan, he done an internal and tipped the bed etc. to make the baby move position but he didn't even both doing that this time. Instead, he told me that I should just wait until he is born to find out if there are any problems. This really upset me, I mean, I know they were busy and understaffed and under pressure, but that little bit of extra time he could have taken would have prevented me from being like I am now: a big bag of nerves.
My amniotic fluid has dropped to just below 4. The consultant asked me if I was drinking, taking drugs etc. and I proceeded to tell him the absolute truth: no, not a thing. It was apparent he didn't believe me and told me that "well, it must be connected to something,". I explained I voluntarily give drug tests at both the hospital and my own GP surgery and I have so many people, professionals and non-professionals that can vouch for me. It must seem incomprehensible to him that somebody can just stop drinking, but there was never any discussion about what would happen once I found out about the baby: I wouldn't touch another single drop. And I haven't. I know he is probably used to people not telling the truth, but for the sake of my babies health I was upfront and 100% honest from the start, and have continued to be. As the amniotic fluid drops, it means the placenta isnt working as efficiently, so baby isn't getting all the nutrients it needs. As a result, in that 7 days he had not grown anymore- so in 7 days he went from good sized healthy baby to below weight for his age baby. He explained that the baby might have to be delivered early.
I went to the fetal medicine unit and had a monitoring machine put on my stomach to measure babies heart rate. I was in there once before when I was worried about babies lack of movement, and the same nurse had to be called to deal with me when the awkard baby started playing up again. As he is breech, and in the most bizarre of positions (alternates between sitting up dead straight like a buddha or sinking low low down and lying like you would in a hammock, just alternating that for my pelvis!) they could not get his heartbeat, and obviously without that, they couldnt do the test. They had to send me off for an hour to see the consultant, in which time I moved around up and down pacing to get him to shift. That only made a bit of difference, and I had to press down the monitor with both thumbs to get the heartbeat sufficiently enough, and he kept on moving- which made it difficuilt to press the buzzer in my hand which notes everytime he makes a movement. Its amazing how many you dont notice when you are not laying down focusing purely on that,
So, between waiting for my baby to shift, my momma got off work and came down to meet me. We went into see a consultant, who was really good and thorough in explaining everything. I felt better having my momma there, as because she is in the medical field, she retains information a lot better than I and/or can explain it better for me as if you don't have the knowledge, it can be tricky to take it in. She basically said "We could be meeting this baby very soon, possibly this next week" This to me well... it was shocking but it wasn't. I mean lets face it, in about 2 months I have discovered I am 6 months pregnant, had to accept it, digest it, prepare for motherhood... and now looks like I will be having the baby too! Shortest pregnancy ever I am sure you will agree!
I had steroid injections to mature the babies lungs in preperation for the c-section i will most likely have to have if this Thursday, the amniotic fluid has not risen or has further decreased. I am scared of giving birth naturally, but I'd rather have that than him come out premature via c-section. Obviously, i want the best for him and i want him to hang on a little while longer. I burst into tears when I came out of the scan, as I know he probably didnt mean it, but the fact he didn't believe a word I said (even when it was backed up with clean tests on my hospital notes) totally upset me. And when he added it must be connected to something, I felt so small. I know many women it has happened to, and there is no explination in most cases. Just one of those things. I have done everything right, by the book since I found out. I drink litres of water every day, no caffiene, eat really well, loads of fruit, take my vitamins, exercise... and now in 7 days its gone from "fine healthy baby" to "baby hasn't shown any growth, might not be getting enough nutrients". I don't know how steady weight gain is for babies in the womb, whether it is always at a constant or whether it can vary per individual, with not much of a weight gain one week but the next a sudden surge. I mean, he did increase a lb in 14 days, and had been. Then in 7 days he didn't put on half a pound. I didn't get much time to speak to the scanner, as it was clear there wasn't time. I wish I had, it would have put my mind at ease.
Now, I am really trying hard to relax but I'm so on edge. I finished my mega essay on Marxism, and am just tying up some loose ends regarding college. All our work is marked via the external moderator next week, and we have been told we must be contactable via phone if there is an issue that needs to be sorted. I have told my tutors I could be in the hospital giving birth. That is adding to the load of stress, I feel something will go wrong and I won't be able to adjust it in time and I won't get my university place. EVERYTHING is getting to me. I just want a healthy baby. Thats all. I am being made to count his movements and that is even more of a stress, as babies dont kick all day but they said if you are unsure, get worried etc. come in immediately. I know he goes to sleep for a while, but what if I mix it up with something badly going wrong? I guess this is what motherhood is about WORRYING. A LOT. For the rest of our natural lives. So basically, guys, I may very well have a little baby boy come the end of this week. It is Aidans birthday on Thursday, would be funny if he is delivered then.
All I know is I would not be coping without family and friends. No way.
I'm not religious, I'm agnostic but funny how in times of complete hopelessness you find yourself reaching out to something, praying to something, for help. I find myself doing it, begging someone or something for hope and for everything to be ok.
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