Sunday, 20 February 2011

safe routes around town

pinkpressthreat; geographically, there are certain routes i would always take to ensure maximum visability to other users while on the way to 'the scene' where they would all gather. it was important to bump into others to get the low-down on gear, what was happening, who was looking for you (in a good/bad way depending on what you had done) etc. etc. there are certain areas i now avoid like the plague, but unfortunately it cannot always be done and if i have to pass through, i have to pass through, but i never even linger long enough to tie my shoelaces for fear of bumping into somebody. places where 'we' (that seems to imply unity, a group of friends, a collective... but we weren't, or if we were, it was simply drink & drugs that had brought us together and as little as not paying back somebody £1 for a can of beer was enough to tear you apart) would go included some of the busiest green spaces in Cambridge. These were, and still are, popular with students, 20, 30, 40, 50-somethings eating al-fresco on their lunchbreaks or having picnics at the weekends with their friends- basically, it's for everyone and used by everyone. my friends from college go here, my other friends from outside the heroin scene go here, but i can't bring myself to with them, for fear of bumping into old faces. I cannot be bothered, and one person has a real big problem with me, although she is in her late 40s, a mother and I have never ever done a thing to her. its really odd. people have suggested jealousy before and i wonder if it is. its not unusual for certain people in the same situation as you drug addiction wise to envy you for every little thing you seem to have more than them. judging by the way she used to slate my drug-free, professional mum i think she was just very jealous of the family i had. she had never met my family, yet seemed to revel in telling me how awful she thought they were. and you know how it is; you can slate your family, but when it comes to somebody else doing it- its a no-no!

i go through the town centre quite a lot, taking my twin nieces + nephew out, if i need to go shopping or meet a pal and i pass regularly the old faces. in our town centre, which has two shopping malls seperated by a green space, there is one hostel right on its doorstep. another major one housing many, many people is but 15 minutes outside of the town centre, and its residents tend to congregate in the main part of town, begging, boozing with mates, shoplifting to earn money... that kind of thing. i say hello to the people i knew "well" which is actually, not that much. i never developed a deep friendship with anybody, i was just taken advantage of all the time and i was so naive, believing i would definately get back that bag as it was my last one and they wouldn't leave me in the lurch like that, would they? if im in a rush, i just rush past, but if i clock eyes with anyone i know, i never ignore; i smile or say hi. however, just recently, i have been getting a lot of comments as i have passed "stuck up bitch", "she thinks she is too good for us does she" and my personal favourite "once a junkie whore, always a junkie whore". i love the way once you are a girl, slag, whore & slut immediately are paired with another insult to produce a really, extra-hurtful one. i am not stuck up, or too good for anyone. i just cannot cope with being around heroin and crack as its still really raw to me. people don't seem to get this. i got smacked in the face last year for being "stuck up" when i never even saw the person, just whacked for no reason. some of these people are really angry, and bitter and when they get drunk they start on anyone, including their closest "friends". its really out of order, so i just want to stay out of the way as much as possible. why would i want to get into a fight when i am trying to get a job in probation or with young offenders? any conviction for violence etc. and my career prospects would be in tatters. all i know is, whenever i saw anybody get clean, i wasn't jealous to the point i resented them doing the best thing they could possibly do. i was actually glad for them. oh well, hopefully the longer i go, the more people will forget me.

also, pinkpressthreat, i have the BEST knowledge of toilet facilities in Cambridge. people are usually astounded when i give them the rundown of the most local bathrooms in catagories from miles away, cleanliness to peacefullness and whether there is always loo-roll & soap or basins in the cubicles.


pinkpressthreat said...

Hello Naomi ;)
If I hadn't been browsing my dashboard I might not've seen your latest post for a few days.

That last paragraph was f***in' hilarious btw!
And yeah,by the sound of things,it's not really possible for you to stay right out of the scene,and,thinking about it,why the hell should you?
The woman you mentioned who's had a problem with you..well,she does sound very bitter ,and I know you'll rise above that.And her attitude smacks of a certain amount of jealousy if you ask me.You're clearly very intelligent,and,from the couple of snaps I've seen,you're a very cool-looking female..also you have people in your life,family especially,who love and support you.

I s'pose when I was talking about the "map" analogy I was focusing more on what was going on inwardly - I think I mentioned before that I live in Brighton..not an easy place to avoid people either (!)

Do take care of yourself,won't you babe.Bye for now..keep posting.My name's Dave btw,in case I didn't mention b4 :) See ya x

John said...

Hi Naomi - I know what you mean about the toilets. I usually just stick my car heater on, pull over out of the way, hit up or boot, give it a moment then carry on on my merry way.

I know what you mean about bumping into people; if I had no credit, you'd see me at hangouts trying to hook up. If I was dodging people, I'd not be seen for weeks!

SinnerSaved said...

hi Naomi... i am so relieved you are not using. you told me you have not found God... but He has found you. you are His daughter and He loves you very much. He loves you enough that He doesnt want you to hurt anymore. He knows all about what has happened to you and is ready for you to accept Him into your life. write me again.

John said...


You know, I don't want to offend you or anything, but Naomi's kicked it herself. I doubt that any fictional character has had any involvement, and the achievement is all hers.

Are you saying that God didn't care about her before, but does now? You're saying that God decided to let her clean up now. Why not before, and why did He let her get into such a state - it ain't like she's a believer now!

This is the big issue I have with NA - the higher power nonsense.

Naomi's success is her own, and should be recognised as such. It's a big achievement, and it's her doing, no-one and no-thing else's.

Have fun now.

Anonymous said...

well done for getting clean. i'm clean for the first time in 16 years and after a couple of months i still feel rough. my parents managed to con me in to staying in a secluded country house miles away from a train station and won't let me leave. considering i'm in my 30s it's pretty pathetic.

good luck, Naomi :)