Sunday, 8 August 2010

dirty hits are no fun, no fun at all.

wow, last night was positively evil. in the early afternoon i went and had 3 pints in the pub, and left to go to my nans where i stayed for a couple of hours. went home around 9pm and did a wash, which resulted in the worse dirty hit of my life. at about 9.15pm i started to get a pounding headache so i laid down while massaging my temples, which seldom helped. the pain increased to such a degree i felt physically sick and all i had time to say was "oh no" and before i even had leapt up i had puked everywhere. vomit all over the bed, myself, the floor. it carried on until my stomach was clear and i was bringing up yellow bile which tastes vile as you know, but also is so painful as you are going through the motions of vomiting but its dry so its unbelivably painful. i continued to be sick over and over every 20 minutes or so. i didn't fall asleep until 4am and i woke up at ten to 6, vomitting again at 7, and every couple of hours up until 4pm. hopefully its done with but i feel bloody awful still. my head is attrocious, and when i get back to mine i have to finish off cleaning where i was sick. i got the worse of it off but that acid smells horrible so i will have to clean it some more with the stuff i just got from the store. the last time i felt this bad was a few months ago when i had that stomach ulcer... over a week spent vomitting, unable to eat a thing, puking up blood but even then i didn't have the pounding head so it wasn't as bad. i never want to use a syringe again in my life. EVER. and i can't because...

i have that new CPN that deals exclusively with alcohol which is mighty important at the moment as there is no way in hell I'm going to even get referred to the Hep C treatment clinic unless I have abstained from alcohol and drugs 100% Heroin I can stay away from, but alcohol is a different story. It is involved in everything I do.... my mothers birthday celebration last weekend, at the pub. Back at college, all social activites are at pubs & clubs, quick get together with a mate I haven't seen in a while, down the pub. its so hard to get away from it. and i find it so impossible to sit there and not drink alcohol in a pub. it just cannot be done. having said that, i have never ever had counselling for either drugs or alcohol (hey, you would have thought maybe my gp would have referred me to some type of counsellor to combat my substance missuse issues instead of just handing me a script for methadone. hmmmm) so i don't have the tools to really deal with it. maybe when i am equipped with them i will change, maybe i wont but i'm going to have a bloody good try. here in cambridge the rate of Hep C infected IV drug users is rediculously high, and obviously, 98% aren't in treatment, or even bothered about it as they are still using and/or drinking. it is not unusual to lose one or two, maybe more a year due to liver failure caused from alcohol and/or drug abuse excellerated because of their Hep C status. i don't want one of those to be me. i realised recently that its no longer suprising to hear somebody has died, its more suprising to hear they are still going. i have though that far too normal and acceptable for far too long.

EDIT: to
on dirty hits are no fun, no fun at all. on 23/09/10
you bloody tit, contracting HIV wouldn't save the taxpayer money, it would increase it beyond belief! the medication is awfully pricey, as is the healthcare and nurses, doctors & specialists wages who would have to regularly see me. wow, what a first-class prize idiot you are. give yourself a round of applause.


Sarcastic Bastard said...

I don't want one of them to be you either. Take care.

I didn't realize you were back blogging until I saw you over at Anna Grace's blog. I'm so glad you are writing again.

I hope you are over being sick and all.



BMelonsLemonade said...

No one wants to be a statistic. Did you know that Hep C is also transmitted through sharing a straw? A lot of people do not realize that there can easily be blood on blood contact with only a straw. I was once told by a methadone clinic that I had Hep C. I was scared to do anything about it because I knew so many other addicts suffering in pain from the advanced stages of the disease. (But many of them where big drinkers, and alcohol pushes those liver limits!) After I got clean, I still ignored it, just hoping it was not real. When I got pregnant, I was tested extensively because I did not want to pass Hep C on to my baby. As it turns out, I do not have Hep C...if you have been exposed to the disease it will show up in a blood test. The key is the level of the Hep C virus, and I was lucky that I had been exposed but I am told I do not have the disease. I urge you to get tested by a specialist, if only so you can manage the disease. I know how scary it is, but ignoring it does not make it go away. When you become empowered with knowledge, you take control back. Hep C does not mean life as you know it is over, and it does not mean you can never have another drink again...see a specialist and just go from there. Please take care. My heart goes out to you. I know what you are feeling, and it can be overwhelming. Hang in there, girl.

Anonymous said...

Should have saved the tax payer money and contracted HIV.

Anonymous said...

Naomi..I've been there-,a dirty hit is something you try to forget all about until one day it happens again!! Occupational hazard I guess.At least it didn't kill you,although I remember it being SO awful I wished I was dead(!)
BTW please heed what BMelonsLemonade says and get tested.Take care xx

Gledwood said...

I got a terrible dirty one once. Fixing my own blood that had dried to a scab round a filter. Found it in a drawer (why was it even in there?) Injected in one arm. 5 mins later the other arm felt cold and weird. Within a v short time I was puking so bad I could barely walk the next day from exhaustion. It was really bad. I've had 2 or 3 more since then but nothing that bad. And all from shitty old filters I'd probably been treading under my shoe for months until I found them!

What are you doing in this drought?
The news is here

Shedload of comments.
I hope you are OK. I know I go off on one sometimes at mine and probably appear to be living in a different universe. It's just a way of coping.
I am more glad than I've ever been for methadone, I can tell you that!

Keep well, please!

Gledwood said...

Naomi Naomi Naimo I got ya message at the Junkie Underground at last. I sent you 2 teddybears and a red ribbon. These are cybergifts.
+ I finally finally got your comment there. I made you my special fwend.

Come on tell what the hell happened?

I can think of 3 main stories:

1. Did rehab not on. fine.
2. Did rehab ...whatever happened went back on gear
3. Did rehab, as above, now on methadone and not using on top.

So which is it?
Or did you leave the coutry. Are you now a 3rd world aid worker..?

Please tell whatever there is to tell ... come on man TELL IT!

Gledwood said...

Naimo Shmaimo. Just tell. Now