Today I refused to lie to my boyfriends Mum. He got his money from her yesterday, £120. In less than 2 hours it was gone. So today, he asked me to lie to her to get more. He said he would tell her he purchased furniture for our new flat, and all I needed to do was back him up. I said no. I was lying in the bathtub washing my hair and he began telling me how I wasn't loyal, I was such a bitch. Actually, he said all this. I know, because it hurt so much, it burnt inside of my subconscious.
"YOU ARE AN UGLY FUCKING GINGER MUNTER""YOU ARE A FUCKING PIECE OF SCUM. DIRTY DIRTY SCUM""YOU ARE A SPASTIC. A WORTHLESS SPASTIC""YOU ARE WORTHLESS. A THICK AS SHIT WORTHLESS WHORE"
He told me how thick I was, that I spend all my time reading and giving him no attention. I was rinsing my hair in the bath, on my stomach and he launched into the bathroom and held my head under the water. It was so scary, I kicked and splashed out and went ballistic until he let his grasp go. I don't think he let it go, I actually just struggled so hard I got out of his grasp. As I got out of his grasp, my feet (which were kicking out as I was being drowned) pulled the plug from the bath. I jumped out of the bath after I got my breath back. As I sat up spitting the water out of my nose and mouth, he picked up a towel and wiped the hands he had had to put in my bath water to drown me. He then hit me with it in the bath. I was still coughing. He began to tell me how ugly I was so I covered up my naked body with it. It took me a while to get my breath back. Then I hid in the corner. While I did this, he picked up my books. He ripped them up into little bits and as the last of the water drained out, he set fire to the book fragmenst and chucked them in the bath.
He told me how i spent all my time reading. how thick i was. how foul i was. worthless.
hours later, he is at his mums. they are asking me whether i should let him back. i dont want him to. shall i shouldnt i. he threatens to kill me. should i? when i hear him cry it kills me but he frightens the life out of me. he has been violent ever since i met him. really nasty. not often, but often enough. i am worried he will top himself if i make him go for good. what should i do?
Friday, 26 February 2010
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16 comments:
Hi Naomi,
Don't ever think you are worthless, scum etc, whatever they do to you. It hurts me to read this as this has been the story of the past year nearly of my life....you deserve so much more than a man who treats you like this really you do. I know it is easier said than done as you have probably seen on my blog all the shit I have taken - I am crap at taking my own advice. My last relationship is by all means over, but it does not mean I won't go back to him or let him back if he decides...I don't know where I'm going right now, sick of men loving me one minute calling me names and hating me the next......
I am so sorry girl you are going through this, especially when trying yourself to stay off the drugs. I had a bad experience last night cos my ex was stupid enough to let some predatory junkies know he'd left me alone...next minute they were here trying to extort money and robbed my pills too. I'm sick of violence, all this shit. I don't blame the drugs...more the people who tend to do them. I meet a few people like you and myself in this world but so many are out just for their next fix, pipe, sniff, whatever....this life sucks at times. They'd told him I bang up when I don't and have tried to get me do crack and smack with them when I don't....they know what my thing is, and they assume because I sniff coke rather than bang crack or smack I am rich or get money off rich men...I don't, I bloody work my arse off to maintain my stupid habit.
Keep going girl, and my heart is with you. I mean that.
Try not to let this man do this anymore to you, try get away from him as you deserve better, you are so pretty and obviously intelligent...you just have similiar problems as I do. This makes neither of us scum. The scum out there are those who prey on people like us, gain from our problems in whatever way.
Keep well,
Snow xxx
Please try to get away from this man.......it makes me want to kill him even just reading this. You are far from thick....if anything you have far more brains than he has and he feels threatened by an intelligent women - abusive men normally do. I know as I have been there - I have had men say those kind of things to me before, along with trying to smother, wish rape on me, threaten to kill me, extort money etc. I been called all those names he has called you.
Leave while you can, or one day he will kill you (mentally and emotionally, if not physically). Men like this are out to control - he did this to you because you would not do what he wanted. Had it done to me - men like this are like spoilt kids when they don't get their own way. He will not change unless he realises he has a problem...not with the drugs but with how he treats women,, and by the way he is currently behaving it looks unlikely.
I say this from experience - get rid of this man, please, although I know it is easier said than done.
You read because you are intelligent. If he tops himself it is not your problem, he is obviously a sick man but he needs professional help, he has no right to take it out on a vulnerable woman. Get him out, now. Go to a domestic violence support team. Substance abuse is no excuse for this man's behaviour, I do class a drugs and am not violent and horrible. I've had men get nasty on me after sniffing too much coke, but it is no excuse.
You know what hun
By throwing this out there on your blog then you already made a decision to not pretend everything is fine anymore
This one isn't going to work out. You can't fix someone once they're that deep in that type of behaviour
Will he kill himself ?? Probably not but if he thinks this is the weak point that will get you change your mind then expect lots of chat about it.
Best thing you can do for both of you is cut contact and text him the number of the samaritans if you get any suicide shit
You seriously can't change his behaviour - all you will do by stringing out the breakup is enable it. This is something he needs to figure out for himself
Walk away princess x Its best for both of you
Get rid of him, tell as many as you can about his actions, your family his family all your friends. Then go back to your own family and friends that care for you get their support. Don't hit the drugs keep a clear head. This will shame him into behave like a human not a fucked up bully and woman beater. Prove him wrong about what he says of your intelligence if you stay away you are clever, if you let him back maybe he has a point as you would be stupid and dumb
Please leave this guy...
I am a man and all good men know
better than to hit a woman.
Please do not believe the crap he
is saying about you. You are a very
smart young lady. Lose this guy fast!
Don't put up with it, you don't want to wind up badly hurt, hospitalized or dead. Get out of the relationship whilst you still can. There are good people out there, good men don't hurt women.
I had 2 men in my life like yours both violent, took me age to see sense, both smaller than me with small dicks, they made up for their 'size' by been agressive twats. Wankers I got my own back by showing all their mates my bruises his mates were not impressed by him. Get rid of him quick
hello naomi - our paths crossed maybe 5 years ago in Cambridge, and then in White City. I was in a similar relationship with a girl who was violent to me. Like you, I was advised to take her back, told that it wasn't her fault, she had mntal health problems, she was getting better.
It never happened - she ended up trying to kill me, and hurt me severely. I know you know this, but if it's happened more than once it's not going to stop.
I hope you find the strength to end the relationship.
Giving you my best wishes,
David
Hello Naomi,
I just spent about an hour reading your blog pretty far back. Making me really sad. And this last post, you need to leave this person. You really do. He won't change. I hope you will. I wish you will find happiness.
Much love,
XXX, Kim
Run like hell.
David? I remember you! Email me? armsare4hugging@hotmail.com or facebook Naomi Cave
Get rid of him.
DON'T STAND FOR THIS IDIOT! MAKES ME SO ANGRY, IF I KNEW YOU I'D NEVER LET HIM COME NEAR YOU AGAIN.
HOW CAN HE SAY YOU'RE THICK IF YOU READ? GET YOURSELF A WORLDLY, INTELLIGENT MAN WHO ENJOYS THE FINER THINGS IN LIFE, LIKE A GOOD NOVEL.
I'V JUST COME ACROSS YOUR BLOG BECAUSE I CLICKED ON THE FILM SATURDAY NIGHT, SUNDAY MORNIG TO SEE WHO ELSE LIKES IT AND ASIDE FROM ALL THE DRUG SHIT YOU SEEM LIKE A REALLY INTELLIGENT YOUNG WOMEN.
BEING WITH A PATHETIC LOSER WHO NEEDS MUMMY TO GIVE HIM MONEY (HONESTLY WHAT SORT OF SCUMBAG WOULD RIP OFF HIS OWN MUM!?) REALLY CAN'T BE DOING YOU ANY FAVOURS.
BY THE LOOK OF YOUR PICTURE YOU WON'T HAVE ANY TROUBLE FINDING SOMEONE WHO WILL CARE FOR YOU AND BE THE MAN YOU NEED AND DESERVE
JAMES
hi my names marshall,after reading a little of your writing sounds like we have a few things in common,i wrote 2u on gledwoods blog about the manics,not sure if it's been published yet though.having trouble uploading pic of myself @ moment so u can see what i look like so forgive me for that until i can get someone else to do it for me.my email is mrshllwebb@gmail.com if you want to say hello.(understand if not).i think i'm following your blog but not sure how to start my own.guitars,drugs cats and my girlfriend are my interest not computers i'm affraid.have a great week and new years eve marshall
sorry,typed my name in and my ramblings appeared from somewhere.now i feel so stupid.
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