Introducing... Baby Carson!

...Baby Carson Garry Cave...
...Born 5th August 2011 at 11.19pm, 5lbs 12oz...

my twin nieces and my momma holding baby

sorry i have not posted sooner! i am happy to announce the arrival of Carson Garry Cave. he was originally due on the 10th anniversary of my fathers death which was the 24th, so it felt more important than ever to have his grandfathers first name as his middle one. i am so happy, especially since he was home within a week- absolutely no effects from the medication i take! i had taken it down and down so i was hoping and begging it wouldn't happen to us and alas, it didn't- phew! he had to go on a bilibed as he had jaundice, hence why he was in hospital for a week but thats all sorted- apparently, its quite common in small babies born before 38 weeks, and he was born at 37. we are getting on fine, just fine :) my momma slept over the first night but then i was keen to go it alone and get used to the two of us being together and also, getting used to sleep deprivation! which he has given me a lot of- basically, he hates to be put down, and won't. however, he went down for 2 naps yesterday, 6 hours in total. good, because i was so exhuasted as i couldnt doze off holding him as i was scared id roll ontop of him or something, and i couldn't cook anything or eat anything as one handed it was too tricky! and as for getting in the bath- ha! no way, unless somebody came over to help me and have him while i jumped in. Luckily, i live within 5 mins of my family; sis, mum, grandparents and they have been such massive help. I will post again later, including about the labour! I was given pessary gels for 2 days but nothing worked, then in the afternoon of the 5th they broke my waters and labour progressed thick and fast- it was about 5 hours, or just over. It was fine once I had gas & air and an epidural and hats off to my sister for fainting as my little boy came into the world- she always has to steal the show!!! my momma was torn between carefully lowering her to the floor as her legs buckled from underneath her and watching her grandson come into the world. Well, i'm about to take Carson to the store for supplies, he is just finishing a feed. he loves to scream blue murder everytime im in the store, and people tut and roll their eyes- jesus, he's a baby what can i do apart from locking him indoors so nobody else has to hear him cry? ive just dressed him in his little grey and blue outfit which consists of jeans, a hoodie and a lil grey vest. he looks like a mini-man! ALSO: great news! my university says i can start in january instead of september 12th so i have a bit longer to spend at home with Carson. yay!

being induced on august 3rd!

OK, after 2 months 19days and 8 hours (80 days + 8 hours) of being aware I was carrying a little boy, I am going to be induced! Wednesday 3rd August, 8am.

For anyone that has glanced at my blog, you'll see my amniotic fluid went up, then down, then back up again! Now its down again. I was originally going to have to have him out at 32 weeks, but things returned to normal and he has held on in there. He was breech till the last minute, but has now turned head down, so no c-section for me no more! I'm going to have to have a natural birth after all... which doesn't bother me too much as I was told a c-section would be very painful for me as they couldn't give me more morphine for relief and my tolerance level meant the standard amount wouldnt touch me!

I still can't believe I am going to be a momma. I have this baby moving inside me, but I can't quite believe there is really one in there, if that makes ANY sense! I have everything ready, including an Eric Carle HUNGRY CATERPILLAR nursery, which also doubles as my room. His name is going to be CARSON :)

His original due date was 24th August, so 3rd August is 37 weeks, which is considered full term anyway. Considering I found out so increadibly late, I've done pretty well. I recently graduated from college, I passed the course, and now have my place at University for September where I will study Social Policy. Luckily, my sis will have my boy. The moment I found out I was pregnant, I stopped drinking and I was abstinant from street drugs and ciggies anyway. Ironically though, I was told I'd of been better off not drinking, and taking heroin instead. Im petrified my baby will have FAS as i was boozing all day everyday until I found out :( I hope not, but I;ll love him regardless. I have decided not to drink for the foreseable future, I don't want to risk it at all. I can't do what my Dad did to me, to my son and I won't. I'm still good friends with an ex chief constable regarding drug policy and the need for change. I don't regret my time as a heroin addict for one reason only; i feel its given me the unique position to assist others and change things for the better. i know that may sound corny, and it is, but its also true. I wouldn't be who I am without those years and yes they hurt a lot of people, damanged my health and took years of my life, but its also changed me for the better in some ways.

Any parenting advice is much appreciated :) So come september I will have a baby, a university degree education beginning... things have really turned around. I mean, they had before, but obviously, my son has compounded this even more. To be told I'd never have children was one thing, but finding out i was 25weeks pregnant was another! I;ll let you know how I get on anyway. I was at the bottom of the pit, on deaths door, had nothing, was so fucking miserable... my probs aint gone away but im much better so im a testimony to y'all that it gets better, and it does.